Smiling with a heavy heart...

Walking through the door,
I enter a whole new world;
A world with a different view,
A world with different people...

In the past, experiencing horror,
I hoped that this new world would just be different;
Sadly that will never be the case,
For this world is exactly like the other.

I think I have a magnet in me,
A magnet that attracts people;
But not just anyone,
I attract certain kind of people.

In school,
In dance;
In National Service,
And now my new world.

WHY OH WHY!!!!
WHY DO I ATTRACT THEM!!!
If I accidently say something they say another,
They make it look like I'm the bad guy.

I choose to be neutral,
I didn't want to be on either side;
But people mistake me and guess what,
I JUST TURN OUT TO BE THE BAD GUY AGAIN!!!

What do you want me to do,
Butter up both sides???!!!
Boths sides has pros and cons,
And you expect me to choose based on these??!!!

There's a song that says,
We can never get the best out of 2 worlds;
We can only choose 1!!
And I choose neither!!!

I'll stick to 'my world',
The world I created long ago in my mind;
The world where nothing is impossible,
The world that I wish I could live in.

Because this stupid magnet in me,
This magnet makes people misunderstand me!
Makes people hate me even when it is others that misunderstood me!!
WHEN IT IS NOT MY FREAKING FAULT!!!

So I'll live in this world for now,
Bottling up as I go along;
Smiling at YOU with a heavy heart,
Smiling just to act like I'm not hurt.

Acting stupid is the stupidest thing to do,
But there is nothing else I can do but 'smile',
I hope one day...one day...
You will see that it is not my fault.....I choose to be neutral........

Even though YOU broke my heart......


* A poem bout part of my life... exaggerated the anger maybe a widdle iddle bit but yet... ^^ *

:+:Su_mEi:+:

Wishing upon a star~

A poem I wrote at camp~~ Enjoy.. ( click the picture to view )

F-R-E-E!!!

I am FREE!!

Oh My GOSH!!!!!

I can't believe it!!

WOOOOHOOOO!!!

* the scenery in my mind~~ *

OOOO YEAH BABY!!

Exam is Buh bye~

I feel so LAZY...

Yet I feel so HIGH!!

No more boring books!!

No more ugly uniforms!!

No more catching crooks!! ( prefect ma~ )

No more filling forms!!

I am FREE!! FREE!! FREE!!

No more behind bars!!

I am HAPPY!! HAPPY!! HAPPY!!

I'm jumping up and down!!

I am now so crazy~

I cannot even rhyme...

But who says poems are perfect?

Not me of course, DUH!

I am just so happy~

My mind just goes blank!

...

....

.......

..........

............

I told you my mind is blank!!

HUGGIES

:+:Su_mEi:+:

My Bottle...

A bottle,
An object that lies deep within my soul;
A bottle,
My one and only hiding place.

A hiding place from Pain,
A hiding place from Sadness;
A hiding place from Grief,
A hiding place from the world.

A place to store my thoughts,
A place to store my feelings;
A place for me to cry,
A place for me to suffer in silence.

Day by day,
My bottle is filled;
With experiences one can't explain,
With the pain I want to keep away.

Smiles on the surface,
But wounds from within;
I live my life,
By keeping in.

But once in a while,
My bottle becomes full;
I start to choke,
I start to suffocate.

Sitting in silence,
I will close my eyes;
To whisper a prayer,
To empty my bottle.

A prayer filled with tears,
A prayer filled with hope;
A prayer to plead,
A prayer to ask.

My bottle becomes an empty vessel,
Waiting to be filled again;
I keep on repeating this scenario,
So that I can continue smiling on the surface.

So that my smiles will never fade,
And I will keep on walking in the light.

:+: Su_mEi :+:

Perfect??

Hey Hey!! Haven't updated my bloggie in a while.. been BUSY!! lets see if I am poetic today~~

Listening to the beat of the music,
All my worries just disappear instantly;
I don't feel sad, angry or sick,
I just feel happy and full of glee.

Troubled times are coming around,
And problems are always chasing me;
But when I am surrounded by sound ( music ),
I remember that I am only ME.

An average girl who was never perfect,
An average girl who is not perfect;
An average girl who will never be perfect,
An average girl who dreams to be perfect.

to be continued~~

HUGGIES!!

:+:SU_mEi:+:

The road to walk

Watching the spinning needle of the ticking clock,
Thoughts of regret start to sprout and mock;
Mocking us about our mistakes and faults,
That we wish we could forget & seal up in a vault.

Like a chicken wishing to fly freely,
We start to dream up things that are silly;
Dreaming of flying and standing up tall,
Only to lie flat when the sky crumbles and falls.

What can we get from the PAST?
What can we achieve from the FUTURE?
Why live on such figures that are unknown?
Why do we chase them so earnestly?

The past is long gone...
The future has yet to come...
The present is now...
So we should all take action.

Nothing can change the past,
With no action the future will pass,
The present is where we should stand,
With the now we can stand on stable land.

On land ( present) we may fall,
But we will not drown.
On sea ( the unknown, future, past ) we will fall,
And we WILL drown.

Keep on the Present path,
While in our heart we shall keep the past;
In our mind we will hold the future,
But by our hands we shall grasp the future.

Summary : Regret ( past )...Hope and Dreams ( future )... are nothing compared to ACTION ( present )...

:+: Su_mEi :+:

Teacher's Day Poem...=.="

Every morning, everyday...
We stand up in class only to say...
"Class stand ( by monitor ).. GOOD MORNING TEACHER ( by the whole class in a dull tone)..."
With eyes full of sleepy tears...

Many at times we have angered you,
With our ignorance, foolishness and stupidity too;
But know this well, my teacher, remember,
That you can never judge a book by its cover.

We know, you have planted us seeds with care,
Soiled us with abundance of knowledge;
Watered us with showers of love,
Shone light onto the path we must walk.

We know, what we reap today,
Is what you have sowed in us;
You have nurtured us to become fruitful trees,
That will bloom with colours ever so bright.

Behind our ignorance, foolishness and stupidity,
Know that we realise and appreciate your sacrifices;
Whether we show it or not,
Know that we will always remember you.

Your teachings, your lessons,
Your love for us students.

Thank you, teacher.
Thank you from the deepest of our hearts,
Thank you, my beloved teacher.

:+: Su_mEi :+:

My Father...^^

This is a poem I wrote in like 3 minutes as an ending for my essay in my English Paper 1. I was suppose to start a story with " He smiled at me..." and I chose to talk bout my father ^^

.....

Patience is virtue,
And in this man, it is true,
My father, My friend,
Forever till worlds end.

His love never failing,
His mouth ever smiling,
Oh, how I love him so,
His character and his soul,

Thank you for being in my life,
With you, time flies,
A few more years is all that's left,
Let us make them the very best.

:+:Su_mEi:+:

A poem of apology...

Here's a poem of apology i wrote quite a while ago... Some stuff happen between my class and a teacher so i was asked to make an apology card... I added onto the card a poem... here it is.. It is not 100% original ( surprised cause i usually can write 100% original ones but this one is not )...

How do we tell you we're sorry,
With a gesture, a look, a touch?
How is it we never realized
We've hurt you so very much?

7 days and forever passed,
To bring us to this day,
When we present these simple words,
We always have thought to say.

We're sorry we hurt you,
We didn't mean to;
We're sorry we hurt you,
We regret it, we do.

So here is our humble apology,
We present to you today,
We hope we did it properly,
That's all we have to say.

We're sorry.

I had to use we in the poem cause it is from a class of 24 people so yeah! XD!! We were forgiven in the end anyway! XD Poetry is so nice!! Have to get back to making more poems... been a while since I wrote any... hmmm... well, if i get any new ideas i will post em up... but remember... ALL MY POEMS AS 100% ORIGINAL!! well... except this one... but the rest will be! See ya!

huggies~~
:+: Su _mEi :+:

Happie Bday!!

This post is 101% dedicated to Mr Tan Tun...opps i mean Tan Choon WEI!! ahax ^^ finally 16 years old like the rest of us!! XD

Appie birthday to YOU!!
Appie birthday to YOU!!
Appie birthday to TAN CHOON WEI!!! ( was about to say tan tun wei )
Appie birthday to YOU!!!!!

The emperor's new groove version now...

Appie appie birthday!!
To all my friends and YOOUU!!!
I wish it was my birthday...
SO I COULD PARTY TOO!!!

I guess i changed it a bit ^^ Anywayz!! Happy Blessed Wondrous Fantabulous Brilliant Fantastic Great Magnificent Marvellous Outstanding Superb Terrific Tremendous Amazing Astonishing Extraordinary Incredible Miraculous Phenomenal Staggering Startling Unheard-of 16th BIRTHDAY!!! Awwww, sweet 16th?? ^^

Taking my first step 5 years ago,
Into an unknown place,
Full of mysteries and supposedly adventure,
I come to meet new people,
New faces,
New voices.
I met you,
The you who looks so childish,
So geeky ( no offense )
So nerdy,
So weird i might say so myself.

As the years passed,
Closer as friends we got,
I learned of your goodness and your faults.
Many people have changed,
Some for the better, some for the worse.
You my friend has changed alot,
To fun,
To smart,
To extraordinary,
To maturity.
But what was left unchanged,
Was the you who was, is and will always be my friend.

Thank you, for taking the first step to be my friend,
For being around when i was lonely,
For being there to joke with me,
For being there to wish me happy birthday.

So now is my turn,
To wish you once again,
Happy 16th Birthday!

I wrote this on the spot. ^^ so ahax ^^

Hugz from your friend, :+: Su_mEi :+:

School + Holiday = " School Holiday "

1 day after Christmas!! Bet a lot of you guys still receiving nice present hor!!! The reason why the title for today is " School holiday " is cause i went to school today... YUP!! During the SCHOOL HOLIDAYS, i went to SCHOOL, to do WORK! How nice right...^^

Just only yesterday, Choon Wei got me to call him ( waste my precious credit ) so he could tell me to be in school by 9 to have breakfast with him... Got up at 8.15, did the all usual stuff everyone does ( if you don't, i think you need some major hygiene lessons ) I think the song we use to sing goes...

Bangun pagi,
Gosok gigi,
Cuci muka,
Pakai baju... and etc... ( thou shall forgive me for i forgot the song XD )

Poem of today...

Daily things we do,
Like going to the loo,
Has become such a habit,
We won't become dirty rabbits.

On my way to school,
I try to stay so cool,
To find a buddy missing,
Telling me McD is where we're meeting.

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tickety, TOCK,
Reading my book as still as a rock,
Here comes my buddy,
Ever so tardy.

A meal we call,
My money falls, ( belanja ma )
Chit, chat, eat, chit, chat, eat,
Doing it is like a beat.

Diabetes he longs to get, ( 2 creamer and 2 sugar packets )
While he worries to get fat, ( " Mayo very fattening " )
Jeanny comes in a while along,
While her phone plays a song.

Back to school,
We work in twos,
Hoping to finish,
The work the teacher banished??

Lunch, lunch, lunch,
2 subway sandwiches we munch,
Each taking 6 inches,
Then to buy some fishes, ( To feed Jean's big fish... sad right )

Basketball, basketball,
Lucky i did not fall,
Blisters i got from running without shoes,
I wonder which is worse, blisters or bitten by a goose...

Off to Jean's house we walk,
Along the way we talk,
After a short while,
I bid farewell and rode a mile.

Oookay, some parts are weird... well, i am writing this on the spot so how the heck can it be good right ^^ SEE YA!! I will be off to Ipoh for breakfast tomorrow then off the Taiping to spend the night... Next day, Langkawi HERE I COME!!! And on the 30th Ipoh beansprouts wait for me!! and 31st HOME SWEET HOME!!!

HAPPIE HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!

Lotsa love, :+: Su_mEi :+:

All Alone...

Sitting at the corner alone,
With my feelings still unknown;
Children running all around,
While chains and locks I do they bound.

Laughter and giggles can I hear,
With nobody anywhere near;
How I wish to laugh along,
But I am left to sing alone a song.

Only colours and papers to be with me,
Where I can pour out my feelings you can't see;
Moody and unsociable I am you think,
But a fact in your head does not sink.

Envy and jealousy is my game,
But anger and unsociability is my fame;
To be understood is what I wish,
But it is like bare hands catching a fish.

We did not have A, B, C,
To choose our lives you see;
This is how we autistic feel,
With our feelings within a seal. ~ Su Mei

Hey, don't get the wrong idea here. I am so not autistic. I just decided to try out if i can write in another person's point of view that not many can see. The first stanza tells us about how autistic people or to be more specific autistic kids feel. They sometimes feel that they are bound to walls with chains and locks so tightly that there is no way to break free. The chains and locks represent the difficulty in expressing. The second stanza is very closely connected to this as the persona sees and hears people laughing and giggling. However, because he is bound by his difficulty in expressing he can't show any sign of laughter. It is as though you want to run to the other wall on the opposite side but because you are chained to the wall, you can't move not a single step. The persona says he is left to sing alone a song because people think he is unsociable so they leave him out of the group.



In stanza 3, it tells us of the ways these autistic people express their feelings. It is a stated fact in life that when you loose something, you gain something else. In this poem it tells us that the persona is talented in drawing and through his drawings will you experience his inner thoughts. Autistic people are mostly gifted in either music, art and so on. They do not have the ability to express inner thoughts but they have something else instead. Because they cannot use words to express, therefore they use music and art to express it. Amazing right. ^^

Stanza 4, I am not stating that these autistic children are devilish and only know how to be jealous of others. I am stating the feelings they have sometimes towards others. They are jealous of the other normals kids that are able to laugh, cry, show anger. They are jealous because they can't express it well. They want to but can't. They only wish to be understood by other people. But it is a fact that sometimes we think we understand an autistic person but in actual fact you don't.

Finally, the persona says that he and his fellow autistic people did not have any choice. They were brought into the world like that and there is nothing that can change that fact.

Autism (say: aw-tih-zum) causes kids to experience the world differently from the way most other kids do. It's hard for kids with autism to talk with other people and express themselves using words. Kids who have autism usually keep to themselves and many can't communicate without special help.

They also may react to what's going on around them in unusual ways. Normal sounds may really bother someone with autism — so much so that the person covers his or her ears. Being touched, even in a gentle way, may feel uncomfortable.

Kids with autism often can't make connections that other kids make easily. For example, when someone smiles, you know the smiling person is happy or being friendly. But a kid with autism may have trouble connecting that smile with the person's happy feelings.

A kid who has autism also has trouble linking words to their meanings. Imagine trying to understand what your mom is saying if you didn't know what her words really mean. It is doubly frustrating then if a kid can't come up with the right words to express his or her own thoughts.

Autism causes kids to act in unusual ways. They might flap their hands, say certain words over and over, have temper tantrums, or play only with one particular toy. Most kids with autism don't like changes in routines. They like to stay on a schedule that is always the same. They also may insist that their toys or other objects be arranged a certain way and get upset if these items are moved or disturbed.

If someone has autism, his or her brain has trouble with an important job: making sense of the world. Every day, your brain interprets the sights, sounds, smells, and other sensations that you experience. If your brain couldn't help you understand these things, you would have trouble functioning, talking, going to school, and doing other everyday stuff. Kids can be mildly affected by autism, so that they only have a little trouble in life, or they can be very affected, so that they need a lot of help.

But, a person is still a person, no matter how insignificant or how different he can be, he has feelings. We as normal people shouldn't be cold to them but instead welcome them with warm arms. We get frustrated when we are not understood so imagine their pain.

( Please already read the poem Daring Tears by Craig Romkema )

:+: Su Mei :+:

My FIRST JOB at WWF in year '07! Was I lucky or unlucky?

Cool breeze from the air conditioners above me,
Oh, in the cold, shivering are my knees,
The rough surfaces of the tiles under me,
Dragging your feet, you will hear the sound of bees,
To my left, i see files and files,
The sight of them takes away the smiles,
Staring out the clear windows,
I see a busy car park down below,
I hear a bird chirping,
But overpowering it are the sounds of honking,
Busy, Busy, Buzzing employees,
Their fingers type with speed on the keyboard keys,
But worse of all, to my right, the stacks of shirts waiting to be packed,labeled and sent,
Oh, the pain felt from the 'dent' on my head.

"This will be a piece of cake, i will have no problems, that sounds very easy," these were some of the sentences i would say to myself when i was offered a job by WWF to help package their shirts to be sent all around Malaysia. You do know what WWF is don't you? Well, if you don't, i will tell you.It stands for World Wide Fund for Nature. Thats right! What i feel about nature is like what a mouse feels for CHEESE!

Anyway, back to the original topic for today. My cousin who is an employee at WWF came up to me one point in time recently to offer me a job at WWF. She said all i had to do was package all the shirts that were ordered from all around Malaysia. Hearing the sound of money, my ear immediately erased part of the sentence mentioning that the orders were from all around Malaysia. It is not that I just love money but I just enjoy getting as much as I can so that I won't have to always depend on my parents when i want something. Plus, i have never worked in that kind of office so i thought why not give it a shot. That was the beginning of my misfortune.

I went to work on the first day, i saw the Pyramids of Giza when i looked to my right and saw the stack of shirts to be packed. My mouth had already fallen to the ground, but i decided that maybe i should not judge the toughness of this job by just looking at the pile of shirts i have to pack, so i just picked up my mouth and started working. At the end of my first day, being a 'slightly' hot headed person, i started complaining. I complained about the List of orders not being in alphabetical order, i complained about the fact that no one was helping me, i complained about nearly everything i could think of. My head felt as though an arrow just shot straight through my head. I was tired and i could not do anything so i just went to sleep. The following day, the same thing repeated, and repeated, and repeated. By the fourth day, i finished the pile of shirts i first saw on my first day. I was so happy i 'hit the ceiling' but i knocked my head on the ground when they told me i had to type more air way bills for more packages and a this time i saw the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

After about a week of working there i finally finished all my work and i would get my pay check soon. From then on i knew that i was not the type to work in such places as it is a pain in the neck. I decided that i would hopefully work in a more 'peaceful' environment.

I read it from another place but this is the only picture i can get to show.

When i an assignment to read on the story Moon by Chaim Potok and Iqbal Masih by David L. Parker from stolen Dreams : Portraits of Working Children, i thought that this will be just a story. However, tears started to flow from my eyes down my cheek, wetting my shirt as i read the story. Admitting it, i am a lachrymose whenever i watch,see,read or hear sad things and even touching something that has a sad memory. This story just moved me as i read on how children at the mere age of 4 are sold away to work at carpet factories. Imagine being sold away by you own family. How painful it is to part with your only blood relative, but i also admire these people that they are tough. Their problems are like a tsunami compared to my little wave yet they do not complain as much as i do.

I knew all along that i was lucky to be born in a loving family, to be able to be educated well, to have to opportunity to join anything i please and to have to say in what i do, but, maybe i have not been thankful enough yet. I compare my situation to the Pakistani children. They get so much less than i do yet they smile and they are so joyful. They neither have the education i have, not a loving family, or a say in what they do, yet they are so thankful for what they have.

Thinking back, my experience working with WWF may actually be a good experience. I got to experience working in an office that not everyone can get, i learnt how to use a typewriter, i learnt to work fast, but most of all, i learnt a lesson that will change me. I learnt that i should be patient, be happy when i am able to help others, and most of all, i should be thankful.

I was brought to this Earth for a reason. I was given a goal in life when i took my first breath. My experience working is just one of the hardships i will have to face in life. I cannot rush to reach my goal as i can only see so much of my future. This is just a stepping stone and i am glad i have passed it. The hardships i will face in the future will be much worse than this so i will have to take it slowly and PATIENTLY.

When running a marathon, we...
Pant, pant, run, run, pant, pant, run, run
When we study, we...
Study,study,stress,stress,study, study, stress, stress
All we're doing is all wrong
No wonder we always sing a sad song
We always over do all things
Doing this is right, we think
Chill,chill, do not rush,
it is not the end you know
sprint, jog, sprint,jog
study, rest, study, rest
And at the end, push with all you have left,
don't look right, don't look left,
focus on your goal,
to satisfy your soul
Do this and you'll be at the top
in 1 piece
1 breath
but with a 1000 smiles!

If everyone in the world started becoming more thankful, this world would change for the better. No more wars, no more torture. Just peace and harmony.

I may not get many opportunities to work for money at the moment, but i have all the time to help the needy.I do quite a lot of voluntary work often but maybe i can still do more. By decreasing the time i use to play computer games and watch Japanese Animations, i can spend more time helping others who need my help. Packaging is definitely not one of my strengths. But i was born with gifts and these gifts are to create a better future of others as well as myself. I will use them to the MAX to create a better future for everyone and i will try to make a difference in the world. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE! Never give up on something, miracles happen everyday.

( This was one of my journal entries at the start of year 2008 As for the two stories. I advise everyone to read it. I don't usually like these type of stories but it was really touching. ^^)

:+: Su Mei :+:

CLEAN UP YER DECK!

Clean up Yer' deck or ya'll be walking the PLANK!
Hand in your homework or you'll be getting a SPANK!
Orders, orders, orders,
Such annoying orders,
Getting us to do more work everyday,
NO! we just wish to say.

We never get to rest,
And they complain we don't get best!
Row, row, do not stop!
Work, work, do not stop!
Such horrifying words we hear all day,
How we wish to dance at the bay.

Free from everything,
All we do is sing,
Living a joyful life,
With a wonderful wife. ( Future )

I guess you can tell what the whole poem is about i suppose. It is really quite obvious. Oh and please ignore the wife thingy. I just had trouble thinking of a rhyme for life. ^^

:+: Su Mei :+:

STRESS!! not....

When running a marathon, we...
Pant, pant, run, run, pant, pant, run, run;
When we study, we...
Study, study, stress, stress, study, study, stress, stress.

All we're doing is all wrong,
No wonder we always sing a sad song;
We always over do all things,
Doing this is right, we think.

Chill, chill, do not rush,
It is not the end you know.
Sprint, jog, sprint, jog,
Study, rest, study, rest.

And at the end, push with all you have left,
Do not look right, nor left,
Focus on the goal,
To satisfy your soul.

Do this and you'll be at the top,
In 1 piece,
1 breath,
BUT with 1000 SMILES!!
~ Su Mei

Stress....STRESS!! everyone says that... admit it. With homework everyday, extra activities...people tend to stress out easily. Why?? I believe it is due to pressure and too high expectancy. Pressure is because other people then to pressure or expect others to do well in certain areas or even all areas.

It is said that a lot of pressure are placed on Chinese students studying in Chinese school ( SJKC schools ). Chinese school students generally have too much homework if i have to say so myself. The parents of the kids also tend to provide their kids with the 'best' gift of all ( at least they think so ). MORE WORKBOOKS!! They only think about their children getting straight A's in the exams. What pressure...don't you agree?? Comparing your kids is also another factor why they get stressed up. No matter how humble you may be, you have the tendency to want to be better than others. ADMIT IT!

This poem i wrote a while ago, tells us about how we should NOT stress out. We can always have a lot of homework, work, extra activities, and at the same time avoid stress. Just take it easy. Have good time management if possible. Your personality also affects your stress level just to add. If you are a hardworking type of person, you will do fine most of the time. Organized, well you have good time management i suppose. Lazy people, you gotta buck up!

Here are some solutions how to stay away from stress.

1~> People who are hardworking... Learn from the lazy ones how to relax. (and vice versa )
2~> GET A HOBBY...
3~> Do something you enjoy...
4~> Listen to music...

Thats all for today i guess~~ Hehe ^^ if anyone has any comments, suggestions or you disagree with something i said, please write them in the comments..thank you very much...^^

:+: Su Mei :+:

The Flow of Life~~~

We all know how a tree moves,
It sways to the right, and it sways to the left;
Sometimes it just stands tall.

Life has its own flow too,
Sometimes we may be happy,
Sometimes we may be sad,
Angry, depressed, stressed up also,
Jovial, crazy, nutty at times;
Sometimes we may be still,
When no emotion comes aloud.

When a tree comes to age,
It is then chopped down,
And it is then its life ends.

It is the same for us,
Once we reach old age,
We start to 'malfunction',
Our lives then fade away,
Everything then goes blank.

But where there is death,
There is life.
A new born replaces the gone.
This is the flow of life,
Not for humans, nor for plants;
But for everything created by Him.
~ Su Mei


Life can be very similar to the things around us. We always say, animals don't have stress or plants too. But if we think about it, animals and plants also have lots of stress like we do. Animals have to hunt for food or they are always being hunted. Plants have to fight with each other to get enough sufficient minerals and water. Humans... need I say??? We have many many more similarities to these things... just open your eyes and you can see them.

:+: Su Mei :+: